Acceptance and Support Shows Up in the Smallest Ways

A friend of mine is going through something difficult, I've known about it for a week. Between travelling to India for only 5 days, a 2-day migraine which rendered my eyeballs useless for almost a whole day, and the horrors of post-trip unpacking, the only time I've remembered to send this friend something to say I'm thinking of them has been in the middle of the night, every night, when I'm half asleep...

Today, another friend asked me for the first friend's address, so I asked them to include me in the gift they're sending.

That's it. No big deal 👀

But really - little big deal! Pre-diagnosis me would have been too ashamed to admit that I still hadn't sent anything, I would have then done it immediately and probably spent more than I wanted to in an attempt to lessen my guilt, and I would have spoken to myself like trash as if I'm the worst friend to ever exist.

What's changed is deep acceptance - I am genuinely 'not good' at gifting/gestures, and it's okay. I don't remember things like that at the best of times, let alone when I'm out of my normal routine, and it doesn't mean I'm an absolute failure.

I can be in tears with heartache for what you're going through, but I won't remember to simply send some flowers. I'll travel for hours with excitement to see you, but I won't remember to bring you anything until I'm on my way. And I knowwww I'd seem like a better friend if I could do those things, but I'm not literally Satan because I can't 😅

Without even knowing it, my friends have created an environment where I'm safe enough to ask for support with anything, big or small, with no fear of being judged, shamed, or seen as 'less than'. I really am the luckiest 🧡

But here’s the kicker - that environment has always existed with this set of friends. They’ve been open-minded and accepting of people’s differences for as long as I can remember, it’s probably why I was always drawn to them in the first place. But you know the old saying - you can only meet people as deeply as they’ve met themselves? - I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable enough to make use of the safe space.

And if you think this all sounds ridiculous - 𝗜𝗧 𝗜𝗦. It 𝘪𝘴 bloody ridiculous that I've lived my whole life wasting brain energy worrying about this type of thing just because I've been expecting myself to be able to function like everyone else 😂

Asking for help is uncomfortable af when you first start doing it - do it anyway, and then check your self-talk afterwards! Life is easier when we lean on each other to get through it ✨